>>12043758Slow down; things are going by pretty fast and the story arc gets cut off.
First off, Anon and Mayor Mare just walk up to the outside of a larger-than-average house and Anon rents it without even so much as glancing inside? Echo's pleading conversation to stay with Anon was very short and one-sided; Anon would at least have to tell her "no" in order for her to beg to stay with him. If Anon is too large for most houses, wouldn't he be too large for Echo to fly around with? Besides, because the stirrups of the saddles hang over the sides of their midsections, Anon's legs would inhibit Echo's ability to fly.
The whole flight scene felt... off. The dialogue, the narrative, it just felt off. And Anon having feelings for Echo not even 48 hours after meeting her is a little quick, don't you think. Maybe he could have a stray thought or two, but telling her she's cute when he hasn't even said fifty words to the mare is a little quick, don't you think?
Also, what does Anon do? You haven't given him any characteristics other than he's too big for normal pony houses. Storytelling isn't about things happening; it's about the characters they contain.
